When You're Exhausted from Failing to Get a Job, What Attitude Should You Have?

Hello. Sunim departed from Colombo, Sri Lanka at 7:30 PM last night, spent the night on the plane, and arrived at Incheon International Airport around 7 AM.

Upon arriving at the airport, Sunim exchanged farewells with the religious leaders who had joined him on the peace pilgrimage in Sri Lanka over the past week.

"Thanks to you, Sunim, our visit to Sri Lanka was truly meaningful."

"Thank you all for making a demanding trip so comfortable. I'll see you at the next interfaith gathering. Safe travels home."

The religious leaders also expressed their gratitude to the Jungto Society staff who prepared this schedule and served as interpreters.

"Thank you all for your hard work."

"We are grateful for everything."

Leaving the airport, Sunim arrived at the Jungto Center around 9 AM. The Dharma Teachers were waiting in front of the center to welcome Sunim.

"Sunim, welcome back."

"Yes, it was a good trip."

Sunim had a simple breakfast, took care of a few urgent matters, gathered his belongings, and headed straight to the Dubuk Jungto Retreat Center.

Seoul was rainy and cloudy, but as the car drove further south, the sun grew stronger.

"Did it rain a little last week? Was it too dry for farming?"

Sunim carefully observed the rice paddies and fields from the car as they traveled.

Sunim arrived in Dubuk around 3 PM. After a lunch of buckwheat noodles and a preparatory meeting about tomorrow's hospital appointment and bringing his elder brother from the nursing home, Sunim rested early to recover from the fatigue of the journey.

Since there was no Dharma talk today, this post concludes with a Dharma Q&A conversation from last May.

"When You're Exhausted from Failing to Get a Job, What Attitude Should You Have?"

"I am a fourth-year university student. I've been diligently preparing for employment in my own way, but lately I've felt increasingly exhausted and lethargic in body and mind. When I share my worries with people around me, they comfort me by saying, 'Everyone lives like that,' or 'There are many people who have it harder than you.' On the outside I nod along, but honestly those words of comfort don't reach me. I'm afraid—is everyone really just enduring like this? What if I suddenly collapse one day? Now I'm confused about whether I'm really exhausted, or whether I'm just being dramatic when I could actually endure more. Should I just ignore this weary feeling and keep pushing through? If not, how should I view this feeling? Please give me some advice."

"I understand that when you share your worries with others, you get responses like 'That's how everyone lives' or 'That's just life. There's no easy solution,' and it doesn't sit well with you. But specifically, what is the problem?"

"I want to hear words of comfort, but hearing 'everyone lives like that' just makes me feel worse. Also, I'm doing many things to prepare for employment, but I can't find the right direction."

"There is no such thing as a precise direction to begin with."

"Still, to become an expert in one field like you, Sunim..."

"I'm not an expert. I just do whatever comes my way. Ask me a hundred questions sometime. I'll know a little bit about all hundred. But I don't have a single certification. The only 'certification' I have is my resident registration card. (Laughter) When I visited the United States recently, I met with world-class experts from various government agencies, congress, and think tanks to discuss peace on the Korean Peninsula and resolving North Korean issues. The topics of discussion weren't limited to one field—they ranged widely across security, economics, human rights, and more. What I want to say is that it's okay not to have a precise direction. There is no such thing as a precise path to begin with. As you do things, you improve."

"But people usually say you need to set one goal. Is it really okay to try many different things?"

"Don't decide in advance whether you'll do one thing or many things—just try various things as opportunities arise. For example, if someone asks, 'What is the most delicious food in the world?'—there is no such thing. There is no food that is objectively the most delicious in the world. Yet people ask how they can find the most delicious food. There's no way to find something that doesn't exist. So what should you do? As you try various foods, you may find one that perfectly suits your taste. Only then do you decide, 'For me, this is the most delicious food.' If you try this and that, you'll see relatively better paths—'This is better than that.' Even if neither fully satisfies you, realistically you have to choose from what you've tried. So try various things and find the path that suits you better. Even if you've been doing one thing for a long time, if an opportunity arises to try something new and you find it better, you can switch to that."

"But wouldn't that take too long to find?"

"That's what life is—trying this and trying that. You think this is good, and then you look again and see that's also good. That's how you live. Thinking 'I wish I'd found this from the start; I wasted my time' is a mistake. Because failure is what makes people explore. For example, who would make a better school teacher—someone who was a bit of a troublemaker as a student, or someone who was well-behaved? Someone who went astray during their school years and deeply learned from those mistakes might actually be a better teacher than someone who never made mistakes at all. One of the problems in schools today is that teachers were model students from a young age, so they don't understand troubled students well. Most teachers are at the level of thinking, 'I just don't understand why this kid acts this way.' But suppose a teacher had gotten into fights as a child, had relationships, and had nearly been expelled from school for various things. If they then reflected deeply and became a teacher, would they understand children who misbehave, or not? They would understand because they'd been through it themselves. And since this teacher didn't just misbehave but reflected and returned to their proper place as a student, they became a teacher, right? So they know well how misbehaving children can return to their proper path, because they've done it themselves. First, such teachers don't get angry at or reject misbehaving children—they can embrace them because they understand them. Second, because they've overcome that situation themselves, they can show the children a way forward. So who would make a better teacher—someone who was well-behaved from the start, or someone who went astray, reflected, and came back?"

"Someone who went astray would make a better teacher."

"Yes. This doesn't mean going astray is good, but the experience of failure can later be used for good. For example, suppose someone had a job interview but was rejected. If they experienced this kind of rejection about a hundred times, would they become an interview expert or not? On the other hand, if someone got hired after just one interview, could they advise young people on how to submit applications and how to conduct themselves in interviews? Between the two, who would teach better?"

"I think the person who was rejected a hundred times would teach better."

"That's right. To become an expert, you need to be rejected about a hundred times like that. You can resolve, 'I need to be rejected exactly a hundred times.' The more rejections, the more of an expert you become, so as you submit applications and go to interviews, you should worry, 'What if I get accepted this time? If I get accepted, I won't become an expert.' Then, if you're unlucky, you might get accepted and land a job. (Laughter) It's not that you get hired because you're lucky, but because you're unlucky. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand."

"Then is getting rejected a worry or not? Is the job-hunting process painful or not?"

"I think it would still be painful."

"No, why would it be painful? Even things that people commonly consider successful in this world, from my view, mostly turned out that way because of bad luck. Let's take dating as an example. This man didn't work out, and neither did that one—after meeting ten men, you finally meet one and get married. Is this a good outcome or a bad one?"

"It seems like a good outcome."

"Yes. You got to meet ten men. But what if you'd immediately spent your whole life with the very first person you met? That would actually be regrettable. Living in such a wonderful world, you'd have only met one man in your entire life. Would that really be a good thing? Of course, if you personally jump from one man to another, you might get criticized. But if the other party leaves on their own accord, that opens new opportunities for you, so it's actually a good thing. In other words, it's a matter of how you think about it. So when you don't get hired, don't see it as failure—think of it as a new opportunity to try something else. How about that?"

"I'll do that."

"Then the job-hunting process becomes fun. During interviews, you'll think, 'Let's see what they'll ask this time.' You'll learn one by one, thinking, 'I prepared for the interview this way, but the company asked something different, so I couldn't answer.' If you research and accumulate the experiences of failure well, you become an expert. Once a student asked me, 'How can I become like you, Sunim?' So I asked, 'You need to go through a lot of hardship. Do you want to try?' They immediately replied, 'No!' I've been ostracized, been to prison, been tortured, gone hungry, and nearly died. The more such experiences you have, the more you understand the world. If you only stay on top, you only know the situation on top; if you only stay at the bottom, you only know the situation at the bottom. The more you try this and that, the more you learn about how the world works."

"I understand."

"So is submitting applications and going to interviews for a job a hard thing or a fun thing?"

"It seems like it would be fun. Thank you."