After Being Bullied, I’m Struggling with Fear of Being Disliked

Sunim departed from Seoul at 5 a.m. and headed to Jukrim Temple in Jangsu.

While traveling on the highway, the sun rose over the mountains. The road to Jukrim Temple was filled with the vibrant energy of spring.

After stopping at a rest area for breakfast, Sunim arrived at Jukrim Temple just after 8 a.m. Jukrim Temple was built at the birthplace of Master Yongseong, who was the Buddhist representative among the 33 national leaders of the March 1st Independence Movement and a key behind-the-scenes figure in that movement.

Sunim first went to Mulbit Park to inspect the construction site of the Master Baek Yongseong Memorial Hall. Construction began at the end of last year and was well underway. The Ministry of Patriots and Veterans Affairs, North Jeolla Province, Jangsu County, and the Master Baek Yongseong Memorial Foundation are collaborating to build a two-story structure with a total floor area of approximately 990 square meters.

Next, Sunim walked around the temple grounds to check if any areas needed repair. Afterward, he went to the education center to participate in a tea ceremony honoring past patriarchs before the official commemoration ceremony for the 85th anniversary of Master Yongseong’s passing.

After The memorial service of tea ceremony for the heavenly bliss, Sunim moved to the living quarters to have tea with the guests. Mayor Choi Hoon-sik of Jangsu County made a special visit to Jukrim Temple. They exchanged warm greetings and discussed county administration matters.

“Are there any issues with the county administration?”

“The county administration is the least of my worries; I’m more concerned about the country. With the national administration paralyzed, local governments are also affected, resulting in severe budget cuts.”

During their conversation, Congressman Jung Dong-young arrived and exchanged greetings.

“How have you been lately?”

“I’ve been attending rallies at Gwanghwamun every day. I’m worried because the Constitutional Court keeps dismissing cases. If the presidential impeachment is also dismissed, the country will be in serious trouble.”

“There’s no need to worry too much. First, except for the presidential impeachment, the rest are likely to be dismissed, which creates a balance that reduces resistance from those opposing impeachment. So it’s not a major concern. Second, if the presidential impeachment is also dismissed, it will be clear to everyone that the ruling is unjust, and public opinion will unite rather than divide. This will lead to the entire nation rising up for fundamental change, so that’s not something to worry about either. (laughs)

Additionally, the current absence of a president in Korea has some diplomatic advantages. If Korea had a president, President Trump would constantly demand concessions, but without one, Korea isn’t a target. Presidents typically apply strong pressure early in their terms, but Korea is avoiding this situation due to the presidential vacancy. So not everything going according to plan is always good. Sometimes, things not going as planned can lead to better outcomes. So work hard, but don’t worry too much inside.”

“Listening to you makes me feel much lighter.”

As they discussed current political issues, it was time to begin the Dharma talk.

Sunim headed to the education center with the guests for the event. The special Dharma talk commemorating the 85th anniversary of Master Yongseong’s passing began at 10 a.m. sharp. About 400 people from nearby regions, including South Gyeongsang, Daejeon-Chungcheong, and Gwangju-Jeolla branches, filled the venue.

After reciting the Three Refuges and the Heart Sutra, the ceremony continued with a salute to the national flag, singing of the national anthem, a moment of silence for the martyrs, and a reading of Master Yongseong’s biography.

Following the introduction of the distinguished guests, several of them were invited to give congratulatory speeches. Congressman Jung Dong-young, Mayor Choi Hoon-sik of Jangsu County, Councilman Lee Jong-seop of Jangsu County Council, and Councilman Park Yong-geun of North Jeolla Provincial Council, among others, honored the occasion with their speeches.

Next, members from the South Gyeongsang branch performed a ‘three-dimensional stage reading’ about Master Yongseong’s passing and hope for the Republic of Korea. Titled ‘The Gourd Flower Breaking Through the Fence’ based on the Master’s final poem, the performance vividly recreated the historical context.

The audience responded with enthusiastic applause as the performance movingly portrayed how Master Yongseong’s legacy was passed down to Master Dongheon Wangyu and then to Great Master Bulsim Domun.

As the performance ended, the actors began singing ‘Song of All Korean People’ and the audience stood up to join in the powerful chorus. This song was written by Master Yongseong and arranged by Great Master Bulsim Domun. It fully embodies Master Yongseong’s firm commitment to national independence and the revival of Buddhism.

Next, Sunim delivered a commemorative Dharma talk on the theme ‘Master Yongseong’s Life Speaks of Hope for the Republic of Korea.’ Sunim narrated Master Yongseong’s life from birth to passing as if presenting a movie, detailing all his accomplishments throughout his lifetime.

“Today marks the 85th anniversary of Master Yongseong’s passing, who was the 6th patriarch of the Korean Buddhist revival, the 75th patriarch of Shakyamuni Buddha’s lineage, and the 68th patriarch of Shakyamuni Buddha’s Dharma. Master Yongseong was born on May 8, 1864 (lunar calendar) here in Jukrim Village, Beonam Township, Jangsu County. 1864 was also the year when Choi Je-woo, the founder of Donghak, was martyred. Great Master Choi Je-woo proclaimed that ‘Humans are Heaven.’ Those of us living in this era might wonder why the statement ‘Humans are Heaven’ was so significant, as we didn’t live in that time. In that era, Heaven was considered the master of all creation, and the king, who claimed to be the son of Heaven, ruled the world—this was the ideology of the pre-modern era. In such a time, Great Master Choi Je-woo proclaimed that ‘Humans are Heaven.’ This meant ‘The people are the masters of the nation,’ which was revolutionary when the king was considered the nation’s master. Eventually, he was accused of misleading the people, labeled as a traitor to Confucian teachings, and executed.

People Who Dreamed of a World Where Citizens Are the Masters of the Nation

However, the ideology proclaimed by Great Master Choe Je-u—that people are the masters of this world and citizens are the masters of the nation—was the message of the Later Heaven’s Great Transformation, which heralded the era of national sovereignty. If the Former Heaven was an era where kings were the masters of nations, the Later Heaven is an era where citizens are the masters. The term ‘Later Heaven’s Great Transformation’ embodies the meaning of opening an era where citizens become the masters of the nation. Based on this ideology, the Donghak Revolution arose. However, after sacrificing hundreds of thousands of lives, the revolution ultimately failed. It did not fail because of the king and nobility who were acting as the masters of the nation at that time. They had lost the power to govern the country and brought in China and Japan, which eventually led to the failure of the Donghak Revolution due to foreign powers. Hundreds of thousands of residents were massacred by Japanese troops armed with modern weapons. The king and nobility, who had merely clung to power, ended up handing over the country to foreign powers rather than protecting their own people. As a result, the nation was lost. Upon hearing this news, Master Yongseong visited all the high officials who lived on the nation’s salary—the three ministers, six department heads, eight provincial governors, and magistrates of 360 counties—urging them to reclaim the lost country. However, no one participated, claiming it was not the right time. Those who claimed to be the masters of the nation not only lost the country but also had no intention of reclaiming it. Therefore, it was ordinary citizens, not the nobility, who gathered around religious leaders to launch the March 1st Movement.

We effectively lost our country in 1905. When Korea was deprived of its sovereignty through the Eulsa Treaty, Venerable Yongseong, who was practicing in the mountains at that time, hurriedly went to Seoul. With the support of layman Im Dong-su, he crossed over to China. To prepare for a provisional government, he accumulated funds by connecting with people who were trading ginseng in Shanghai. And when the March 1st Movement spread like wildfire in 1919, he immediately provided support to establish the Provisional Republic of Korea Government in Shanghai. The March 1st Movement was aimed at creating a nation where the people, not the king, were the owners. That’s why the country’s name was changed from the Korean Empire to the Republic of Korea, a nation where the people are the owners. Today, the name Republic of Korea embodies our ancestors’ aspiration for a new world order. ‘Han (韓)’ is the name of the first country established by our ancestors. The Han nation was divided into Mahan, Jinhan, and Byeonhan, collectively known as the Three Hans (Samhan). The unification spirit of Silla was Samhan Iltong (三韓一統), which means unifying the Three Hans into one. The new country that unified these Three Hans is Daehan (大韓, Great Han). That’s why when Korea reclaimed its sovereignty from the Qing Dynasty and declared its independence, it used the name Daehan. At that time, the country was called the Korean Empire, but the name was changed to the Republic of Korea to reflect Venerable Yongseong’s wish for a country where the people are the owners.

Thanks to the funds provided by Master Yongseong, we were able to continue our independence movement

This is how today’s Republic of Korea began. Master Yongseong made significant contributions behind the scenes during the founding of the Republic of Korea. In 1945, when Baekbeom Kim Gu returned to Korea from Shanghai, the first place he visited after Son Byeonghui’s grave was Daegaksa Temple, where Master Yongseong’s portrait was enshrined. Baekbeom Kim Gu prostrated himself before Master Yongseong’s portrait and confessed, ‘Thanks to the funds provided by Master Yongseong, we were able to continue our independence movement.’ This story had been passed down orally without supporting evidence, but while preparing for the 80th anniversary of Master Yongseong’s passing, a photograph was discovered showing Baekbeom Kim Gu visiting Daegaksa Temple along with Lee Si-young and about 30 other members of the Provisional Government in Shanghai.

Additionally, in 1930, Master Yongseong gave Yun Bong-gil the Three Refuges and Five Precepts before sending him to Kim Gu in Shanghai to carry out his mission. There had been no evidence to verify this fact. Some even suggested that Yun Bong-gil might have been a follower of Cheondogyo rather than Buddhism. However, last winter, while examining Yun Bong-gil’s trial records in Japan, researchers discovered a document where Yun had written Buddhism in the religion field with his own hand. Although evidence of Master Yongseong’s activities is gradually emerging, much still remains buried. Currently, we must rely on the stories passed down by Great Master Domun, Master Dongheon Wangyu, and their families. With a little more effort, we should be able to uncover more records that illuminate Master Yongseong’s activities.

Of course, some might think there’s no point in revealing the truth now. However, we must recognize that countless unknown individuals sacrificed and worked tirelessly to establish the Republic of Korea we know today. Even Master Yongseong, who was an outstanding spiritual leader of his time, has few records of his many activities—how much more so for ordinary independence activists? The reason South Korea stands tall today is because of those who never lost hope and continued to strive during difficult times. We must never forget that we are reaping the benefits of their efforts today.

A Person Who Created Hope While Living Through a Dark Era

In 1920, after independence fighters achieved victories at the Battles of Bongodong and Cheongsan-ri, they fled to Svobodny in the Soviet Union to escape Japanese persecution. There, they became caught in the conflict between the White Army (Russian royalists) and the Red Army (Communist revolutionaries), resulting in the ‘Svobodny Incident.’ Master Yongseong, who had been arrested for his involvement in the March 1st Movement in 1919 and released from prison in 1921, secretly went to China after hearing this news. With 20,000 won secretly provided by Queen Sunjeong and funds from lay practitioner Im Dongsu, he purchased 700 jeongbo(approximately 2.1 million square meters) of land in both Bongnyeong Village and Myeongwol Village in what is now Ando County in the Yanbian Korean Autonomous Prefecture, formerly known as North Gando. He established these vast lands as places where independence activists and their families could live. In 1923, the anti-Japanese independence army was rebuilt in Ando County, but not long after, in 1927, the Japanese established the Gando Special Forces, gathering Koreans in the area to suppress the independence army. Though the independence army was first rebuilt with Master Yongseong’s invisible support, it was difficult to escape Japanese surveillance. Although they disguised themselves under the cover of religion to avoid being easily targeted, they were ultimately betrayed by an internal informant and completely crushed in 1938. I believe this incident became one of the major factors leading to Master Yongseong’s passing. In this way, Master Yongseong established bases not only within Korea but also overseas to nurture independence activists, providing financial and human resources support to both the Provisional Government in Shanghai and those engaged in armed resistance in Manchuria. Even after living through such a dark era, when he passed away, he left behind a message of hope, saying, ‘In 60 years, the Republic of Korea will rise again.’

Last year, South and North Korea were pushed to an extreme situation where war seemed possible. Looking at many facts that have now come to light, it was truly a hair-trigger situation that passed without military conflict—as if God had protected us. In that context, we held the June 13 Mass Dharma Assembly, honoring the wishes of Master Yongseong. The results of our earnest prayers manifested both domestically and internationally by the end of the year. In the United States, President Trump was elected, and domestically, the president declared martial law, significantly reducing the risk of war. Of course, these events created some domestic confusion and international instability. However, I believe this is better than the risk of war. This doesn’t mean we should be complacent and merely observe. I want to emphasize that we must build the new nation we dream of on this positive foundation. Master Yongseong was born in 1864 and passed away in 1940. This was during World War II, when Japan was at the height of its power. Throughout his lifetime, there was never a hopeful atmosphere. When he was born, there were uprisings in three provinces, and foreign powers continuously invaded, leading to Western invasions, the Donghak Revolution, the Sino-Japanese War, the Russo-Japanese War, the Eulsa Treaty, and the Japan-Korea Annexation. Despite these difficult times, he participated in the independence movement and translated Buddhist scriptures into Korean so that ordinary people could understand them. He spent his life engaging in numerous persuasions and dialogues behind the scenes to build a new nation.

When we think about that person’s life, we have nothing to complain about. Today, standing up for democracy and peace won’t get us killed or imprisoned. Even if we face difficulties, they’re usually limited to some criticism from others, which isn’t a significant loss. Perhaps we’ve become too comfortable rather than moving forward with hope. On this day commemorating Master Yongseong’s passing, let’s reflect on his teachings and join forces to complete the unfinished work of building our nation.”

The audience took the Four Great Vows to heart after Sunim’s Dharma talk.

After the special Dharma talk, the guests moved to have lunch, while Sunim held a Dharma Q&A session with the attendees.

“We haven’t gathered in a while, and there’s been a request to have a conversation before leaving. I should be attending to the guests, but I’ve made time with their understanding. Anyone who has a question, please raise your hand.”

During the hour-long session, five people raised their hands to ask Sunim questions. One person sought advice on how to overcome difficulties in forming relationships with others after being bullied as a child.

I Struggle with Fear of Being Disliked After Being Bullied “I was bullied for a year in middle school. Since then, I’ve found it difficult to form relationships with people. I get nervous when I see groups of women at work or at Jungto Society. Yet when I’m alone, I feel isolated. When someone is in a bad mood, I blame myself and feel regretful. I think I fear being disliked by others. How can I comfort my mind? And what prayer would be helpful for this situation?”

“That’s a form of trauma, a kind of illness. First, you should seek treatment from a psychiatrist. The second approach is to simply live with the condition. For example, imagine I lost an arm in a traffic accident. First, I could go to the hospital to try to fix it, or if that’s not possible, get a prosthetic arm. Second, I could accept the reality of having only one arm. Instead of looking at people with two arms and thinking, ‘Why am I incomplete?’ I should think, ‘I’m fortunate to have even one arm. What if I had lost both?’ You need to view yourself positively. Similarly, isn’t it fortunate just to be alive? What does it matter if you were bullied? If you’re grateful just to be alive, you can see such experiences as insignificant.

When you feel responsible because someone is looking at you or getting angry, simply recognize, ‘This is my condition.’ Just acknowledge, ‘My illness is flaring up again.’ If you accept the condition you’re living with, there’s no problem.”

“I have two daughters, aged 8 and 14. Both find it difficult to form friendships. My older daughter is struggling so much that she’s dropped out of school. I feel so sorry whenever I see them. I wonder if they’re like this because of me.”

“It’s not just a possibility—they are like this because of you.”

“I feel I need to overcome this problem for my children to live well.”

“If I’m missing an arm and say ‘I must overcome this’ while hoping for a new arm to grow, will it happen? You need to accept what’s missing. First, yes, your children’s condition is influenced by you as their mother. But you didn’t have bad intentions, did you? For example, I’m short, so my children are also short. That’s my responsibility, but I haven’t committed any sin. I have dark skin. If I wanted my child to have fair skin but they have dark skin, that’s my responsibility. But it’s not a sin. What comes from me is indeed my responsibility, but it’s not a sin. You may have unconsciously influenced your children psychologically because of your trauma. But you didn’t intend to harm them, did you? So there’s no need to feel guilty.

If I were missing an arm, blind, and deaf, and then got married and had a child who was also blind, yes, that would be my influence. But would I have committed a sin? No, I wouldn’t have.

First, you need to receive psychological treatment. Children should also receive treatment as much as possible. However, if further treatment is not possible, you must accept that condition. If you think you must recover to a normal state, you’ll live as a patient until you die. There is no separate normal. If I have only one arm, then having one arm is my normal state now. Ten years ago, having two arms was normal, but now having one arm is normal. ‘I have no problems right now.’ You should live with this kind of prayer, using your current state as your baseline. Of course, most people don’t make this shift in perspective. For example, let’s say you bought stocks for $10,000 and they dropped to $5,000. You should now change your baseline to $5,000. If it goes up to $6,000, that’s a $1,000 increase, and if it drops to $4,000, that’s a $1,000 decrease. But if you keep using $10,000 as your baseline, you’ll live with a deficit mindset for 10 years. Like this, the baseline is something you determine. If having two eyes was normal, but after an injury you now have one eye, then having one eye becomes your new normal. You need to adjust your baseline to match your current state.

You should make efforts to help your child recover through treatment, but if further treatment is not possible, you need to establish a new standard based on your child’s current condition. Their current state becomes the new baseline. If others are at 100 and your child is at 80, then your child starts from 80. But when you as a mother keep imposing the standard of 100, going to school becomes burdensome and difficult for your child. ‘It’s okay. Mom also has wounds but is living well, right? I got married, had both of you, and raised you well. Don’t worry.’

You need to view yourself positively and speak positively to your children as well. Thinking ‘I’ve committed a mortal sin. You’re like this because of me’ is incorrect. If I’m short, my child might be short too. So if your child feels upset about it, you should say, ‘It’s okay. Mom is short too, but I’m living well.’ Yes, it would be nice to be tall, but does the world always go the way we want? You need to look at your children from this perspective. I’m 73 years old this year. If I kept thinking only about my twenties, saying ‘I used to climb mountains well then,’ ‘My eyesight was good then,’ ‘My voice was good then,’ and lived longing for the past, it wouldn’t help my present at all. Now, my 70-year-old self should be the standard. ‘I’m fortunate that I can still walk,’ ‘I’m fortunate that my voice still comes out this much’ – this is the perspective I should have. It’s because we always use the past as our standard that we end up living with an inferiority complex until we die.”

“Sunim, please give me just one prayer to keep in mind when praying.”

“Try praying this, ‘I am content just as I am now.”

“Yes, thank you.”

It was a happy time as Sunim and the audience were able to meet and converse directly in an offline space after a long time.

After taking a group photo together, everyone shared their thoughts in small groups and ate lunch boxes together. After lunch, they also did community service work in various places around Jungnim Temple.

Sunim moved to the reception hall where guests were waiting and had tea with them. First, he expressed his gratitude to the officials from Jeollabuk-do Province and Jangsu County who have shown great interest in building the Yongseong Patriarch Memorial Hall. He also offered words of encouragement to Congressman Jung Dong-young, who has been working hard to stabilize national affairs during these turbulent times.

After seeing off the guests, Sunim immediately began the board meeting of the Baek Yongseong Patriarch Memorial Foundation at 1:30 PM. The meeting concluded the 2024 business report and settlement of accounts, and reviewed the business plan and budget for 2025 before adjourning.

“Are there any other suggestions or matters to discuss?”

“No, there aren’t.”

“Our county council member, director, and Venerable Yusu have been doing almost all the practical work for the Baek Yongseong Patriarch Memorial Hall. Let’s give them a round of applause. Thank you so much for your hard work.”

After the board meeting, Sunim added one concern.

“I’ve been traveling around the country examining various sites, and there’s one thing that worries me. Recently, too many buildings have been constructed nationwide, whether they’re sports facilities or memorial halls, to the point where local governments are struggling to bear the maintenance costs. I personally traveled from Mount Seorak along the east coast to Geoje Island, visiting major tourist attractions, beaches, and hot springs, and found that only 30% of the facilities are operating properly. Going forward, when we consider building additional facilities, we need to carefully consider social changes and trends.”

Then at 2:30 PM, the general meeting of the Baek Yongseong Patriarch Memorial Foundation was held. Many members also participated online. The decisions made at the board meeting were reported, members’ opinions were gathered, and the general meeting was concluded.

It was past 3 PM when Sunim was finally able to have lunch. The kitchen volunteers reheated the rice and soup that had gone cold. Sunim quickly finished his meal after mixing a small amount of rice and vegetables in his bowl.

Departing from Jungnim Temple at 3:30 PM, Sunim headed to Seoul. After driving on the highway for three hours, he arrived at the Seoul Jungto Center after 6 PM. In the evening, he worked indoors, proofread manuscripts, and concluded his day.

Tomorrow is the 36th day of the 100-Day Dharma Talk. In the morning, Sunim will give the 5th lecture on sutras at the Dharma Hall on the 3rd floor of the Jungto Social and Cultural Center, and in the evening, he will give the 5th lecture of the Buddhist Social Studies Course in the main hall in the basement.