True Renunciation is Freeing Oneself from One’s Karma

Tansen is a highland area where you can see snow-capped mountains, located at an altitude of 2,000 meters. The pilgrimage group departed at 3 AM to see the sunrise in Tansen. Most fell asleep as soon as the bus started moving. At 5 AM, everyone woke up to the sound of the moktak (wooden instrument) and offered prayers.

We arrived in Tansen just after 6 AM. Although it was still dark all around, the streets were bright thanks to the residents who opened their shops early. Sunim and the pilgrimage group lined up on one side of the road, avoiding traffic, and headed towards the mountain.

On the way to the mountain, a red glow filled the eastern sky.

“The sunrise was supposed to be at 7 AM, but it looks like the sun is about to rise now. Let’s hurry up. We should watch the sunrise from the top of the mountain.”

Although climbing the steep mountain path was not easy, Sunim continued to move forward, catching his breath, to show the pilgrimage group the snow-capped mountains and the sunrise.

Before long, we had climbed high enough to see only the surrounding mountain peaks. Thanks to the clear weather without a single cloud, the Himalayan range and Annapurna were clearly visible.

“Those mountains you see over there are the Himalayan range and Annapurna.”

Sunim found a spot where the sunrise could be seen well and settled down. Soon, the red sun began to rise over the mountains.

“Oh, look over there. The sun is starting to rise.”

As soon as Sunim finished speaking, exclamations and cheers erupted from the pilgrims.

After enjoying the sunrise, Sunim and the pilgrimage group moved to a wide open area and had breakfast with packed meals.

After finishing the meal, the pilgrimage group gathered around and started a talent show. Sunim said with a smile:

“I’ll give you more time to do the dancing and singing that you couldn’t do at the palace ruins the other day. Also, those who performed with flashlights in the dark place can perform again on this bright stage today.”

The pilgrims showcased exciting songs and dances, either solo or in groups. Soon it was 8:20 AM.

Sunim concluded the entertainment, saying:

“We’d like to continue the talent show, but the villagers asked us to move the bus by 9 AM. Let’s go down slowly to avoid any injuries.”

On the way down, we could see the clear view of the snow-capped mountains once again, different from the dawn view.

It was past 9 AM when we came down from the mountain. We boarded the bus and departed for Kapilavastu, where the Buddha grew up. After a 3-hour and 30-minute drive, we arrived at Kapilavastu at 12:40 PM. The pilgrimage group sat down on one side of Kapilavastu and meditated briefly. Then, Sunim shared the history of Kapilavastu and stories related to the Buddha.

“We have now arrived at Kapilavastu. The current name of this city is Tauliyahawa, Nepal. We are now inside Kapilavastu, sitting next to the site of the prince’s palace. The front where you are sitting is facing east. The gate you see in front is the eastern gate through which the prince is said to have left for his renunciation. In the scriptures, the eastern gate is mentioned several times: ‘Queen Maya went out through the eastern gate to give birth to the baby,’ ‘The prince went out through the eastern gate and saw an old person,’ ‘The Buddha leaped over the eastern gate when he renounced.’ The reason for this emphasis on the eastern gate is probably to signify that one had to go out through the eastern gate to connect with the world.

What Led Buddha to Decide to Renounce the World

Since Buddha was born in Lumbini and came directly to this Kapilavastu, the place where the sage Asita read the prince’s fortune is also here within Kapilavastu. Buddha studied under two teachers here until he was 12 years old, and he was said to be a promising young man who excelled in his studies, was good at sports, and had a fine appearance. So his father’s dream was for his son to become a great king. Since the Shakya clan had a small country, they were always harassed by the surrounding powerful nations, so it was the parents’ dream and the country’s hope for the son to become king and build an empire. This is why Buddha was always referred to as a “Chakravartin” (universal monarch). The prince wanted to pursue the path of enlightenment, but he struggled greatly between this and his parents’ urging to follow the path of becoming a “Chakravartin”. However, if one has no lingering attachments, one will not have regrets even with parental persuasion. So contrary to the scriptural records, we can assume that the prince also had dreams of becoming king and trying to rule the world well. So he accepts governance rights over a certain region from his father and tries various policies while ruling, attempting to make the world peaceful. But realizing that this cannot achieve the world he dreamed of, he ultimately does not bend his resolve to renounce the world.

In Buddha’s time, there was a system where a son could only inherit the throne after his father’s death, so there were often cases where princes either killed their fathers to become king, or renounced the world if they could not inherit the throne even as they aged. So when Buddha said he would renounce the world, King Suddhodana asked, “Are you dissatisfied with me and trying to leave?” Buddha replied, “That is absolutely not the reason.” So King Suddhodana thought the reason the prince wanted to renounce the world might be “Is it because he cannot inherit the throne quickly?” So although he was king, he gave authority to the prince and let him try governing the world. While there was this strategy by the king to change his son’s mind, we can also see that Buddha himself had a desire in his youth to try to make the world peaceful through governance. After trying various attempts, he reached the final conclusion at age 29 that “I don’t know what the new path is, but it’s not this existing path!” So he decided he had to leave home, turning his back not only on the throne but also his parents, wife, and son. We need to take a more realistic approach to this process of Buddha’s renunciation. Buddha went through his childhood and study period. In modern terms, he passed through his middle and high school years. Then, following the customs for entering adulthood, he had his coming-of-age ceremony and continued to follow his father, learning what a king does. So he first participated in the plowing ceremony. The plowing ceremony is an event where the king holds a golden plow, the ministers hold silver plows, and the farmers hold iron plows behind them, all plowing the fields together. This event is extremely splendid and majestic, with the purpose of demonstrating the king’s authority. The prince attended the plowing ceremony and for the first time saw a farmer in tattered clothes and in poor condition plowing. Feeling sorry for him, he asked, “Why are you in such suffering?” The farmer replied, “Because the exploitation is too severe.” So he learned that the wealth of the palace was not just given, but existed based on someone’s hunger and overwork. This question was later clarified after Buddha realized the law of dependent origination, but at that time he was facing reality for the first time. He also saw the farmer whipping an ox to make plowing easier and thought, “Must animals suffer like this for the farmer’s convenience?” Then, as the plow turned over the soil, small insects came out. Birds came and ate those insects. Seeing this, he thought, “Why must one die for another to live? Isn’t there a way for all to live together?” These are the kinds of thoughts people often have in their youth. When you were young, you may have wondered “Why did they end up like that?” when you saw someone in tattered clothes begging or someone pitiful, but as you get older it becomes chronic and you just pass it off as “I guess that’s how life is!” When you first come to India, your heart aches every time you see begging children. But after a few days, even when they follow you saying “Bakshish”, you just hear it like the sound of birds or wind and pass by. But Buddha was greatly stimulated by the scene he witnessed at the plowing ceremony. So he left the event site and sat under a tree, deeply pondering “Why is the world so unfair? Isn’t there a way for everyone to be happy together?” King Suddhodana brought his son to show him the majestic plowing ceremony, but when he looked around, his son was nowhere to be seen. So he searched here and there and found his son sitting under a tree. The sight of him sitting deep in thought was so noble that King Suddhodana unconsciously bowed to him. The scriptures record three times when King Suddhodana bowed to Buddha. First, shortly after Buddha was born, when the sage Asita read his fortune and prophesied that if he stayed home he would become a Chakravartin and if he renounced the world he would become a Buddha, the king was moved and bowed. Second, he bowed when he saw him meditating under the Jambu tree. Third, he bowed when he returned as the Buddha after attaining enlightenment.

Is There No Way for Everyone to Be Happy Together?

After the plowing ceremony, the cheerful Gautama suddenly became very quiet and was always lost in thought. He asked his parents and teachers, “Why must one die for another to live?” No one could answer that question. When you’re young, you think teachers and parents know everything, don’t you? But even learned teachers could not help with the prince’s questions about the reality he experienced. They even said things like, “Don’t think about useless things” or “If you don’t want to die, you have to work hard.” The study we learn in the world today is study to win in competition, study to earn more money than others, study to pass exams by failing others. Winning is considered success. The concept of success is winning in comparison to others. Whether you win with your face, height, strength, or anything, being comparatively superior is success, and that is considered happiness. But the question the prince raised was “Is there no way for everyone to be happy together?” He wondered, “Why must one die for another to live?”, “Why must one be unhappy for another to be happy?” Later, after Buddha attained enlightenment, in a famous teaching to King Pasenadi, he said “You should not build your own happiness on the unhappiness of others.” This is deeply related to the awareness he had as a youth. However, there was no one in the palace who could answer the prince’s questions. No one had ever thought about such things. So he inevitably spent more and more time in solitary contemplation.

Realizing My Pursuit of Happiness Was Based on Others’ Suffering

The decisive moment that led the prince to give up his attachment to the secular world and set his mind on renunciation was the Four Sights. The scriptures record the scene of the prince going out the east gate and seeing an old person. It vividly describes the sight of an elderly person struggling to move, wobbling unsteadily, with aching knees and back, coughing up phlegm, and being ignored by family members because of old age. Seeing this, the prince thought, “Will I also become like that?” This point is very important. Starting from feeling “That’s pitiful,” his thoughts shifted to “Will I also become like that?” The feeling of pity for others changed to not separating self and others, thinking “I will also become like that.” In other words, the suffering of the elderly person became his own problem. The prince felt as if he was engulfed in flames, gradually aging as time passed. So he thought he could not leisurely enjoy himself.

I think the reality of the beings outside the palace that Buddha saw may have been condensed into the story of the Four Sights in the scriptures. Would Gautama have seen an old person for the first time at that age? Even when he was young, all the grandmothers in the household would have already been old. I think the simple expression of “old person” here is a problem that arose as Buddhism moved away from social reality and turned into philosophy. “Old person” ultimately refers to most of the people living outside the palace in the world. At that time, 90 percent of people were of slave status. Only 10 percent were ordinary citizens. The civilizations of Greece and Rome were also for 10 percent of citizens. Terms like Greek democracy and Spartan militarism only refer to whether the 10 percent ruling class lived democratically or under absolute monarchy. The 90 percent of people at the bottom were all slave class regardless of which system they were under. The person Buddha met going out the east gate was an aged slave. The person he met going out the south gate was a sick slave abandoned without care. The person he met going out the west gate was a dead slave whose body was not taken care of and abandoned. This signifies witnessing the social reality of the time as it was, but as Buddhism later degenerated into rationalizing the ruling order, that image was abstracted and established as a concept of fate that humans are born, age, get sick and die. You should read what’s recorded in the scriptures later. If you look at the descriptions of aging, sickness, and dead bodies, you can see they are all images of abandoned slaves. They are not images of patients lying in hospitals or elderly people in senior centers. Gautama keenly felt the contradictions of the world from such sights. He ultimately realized that the pleasure and happiness he had been pursuing was based on the suffering of others. In traditional Brahmin thought, Gautama’s questions were incomprehensible and unsolvable. He finally found a clue to the solution himself by going out the north gate and conversing with an ascetic. That was renunciation. Looking at the scriptural records, it seems Buddha decided to renounce the world around the age of 16 to 19 at the latest. Some scriptures say the king married Buddha off around age 19, while in others the Four Sights come after Buddha’s marriage. When Gautama was agonizing between accepting secular life and leaving home to live as a renunciant, the king married off his son and gifted him worldly pleasures. He also gave him a part of the country and entrusted him with governing it. When Gautama went there, he found poor farmers working the fields. He freed the farmers from slave status and cut off all the nose rings of the oxen, releasing them into the wild. How could governance work like that? Freeing all the slaves was unthinkable in the world at that time. Just looking at the scriptural records, we could say Buddha was the first person in human history to emancipate slaves. After the Four Sights, Buddha who had been agonizing made up his mind to renounce the world as soon as he heard the news that his wife had given birth to a son. There are two theories about this as well. First, there’s a story that upon hearing the news of his son’s birth, he said “Rahula (obstacle)” meaning “If I hesitate any longer, I won’t be able to renounce,” and left home. Second, according to Indian customs, he was able to get permission to renounce because a son was born to continue the lineage.

I Will Not Return Until I Attain Enlightenment, Even If I Die

Finally, Gautama leaped over the east gate and renounced the world. Simply put, he fled in the middle of the night. To be precise, he secretly opened the city gate at night and left, which the scriptures express as “leaping over the city wall to renounce” (yuseong chulga). It’s expressed as if he rode a horse and leaped over the city wall. Buddha did not renounce because he couldn’t become king, but he was given the throne yet abandoned it and renounced. That was not just leaving the secular world, but transcending it. We can see it was expressed as “leaping over the city wall to renounce” to symbolize transcending the secular world. It is said that Buddha made this vow when renouncing: “Even if I fall from a high place and die, even if I eat poison and die, I will not return until I attain enlightenment. My renunciation is not because I was deceived by anyone, nor to be reborn in heaven alone, but to save all sentient beings from suffering.” Because he renounced with this mindset, Buddha’s renunciation was completely different from renouncing due to failed romance, business failure, failing an exam, or feeling the impermanence of life. Buddha renounced with a great vow that “If I attain enlightenment through renunciation, I will return and share the new path with everyone. Buddha thought he would attain enlightenment right after renouncing, but how was it after trying for a few days? It was different from what he thought. He was cold, hungry, bitten by insects, and distracted by animal cries. Until then, he had lived in the palace without knowing cold, hunger or insects, just thinking “What is truth?”, but when he was alone in the forest, he was bothered by issues completely unrelated to enlightenment. He probably thought about food, longed for a warm bed, and wondered “Did I renounce for nothing?” Just like how you might think “Did I come here for nothing?” on this pilgrimage. (Laughter) But the scriptures don’t record all these aspects as Buddha’s agonizing, but rather as temptations by Mara. Once, Buddha resolved to go out to the streets to beg for alms and brought back some food. But when he tried to eat the food he got, he just couldn’t eat it. Buddha forced himself to eat it but then vomited. Buddha felt so pathetic about himself. Thinking “I can’t practice alone like this,” he decides to go find a teacher. This is how the journey of going south to find a teacher begins. It’s okay for you to think “I came here for nothing.” Just don’t go back. Once you get through the difficult times, it gradually gets better. It was hard at first, but now the pilgrimage is manageable, right?”

“Yes!”

“I don’t think enlightenment itself is that difficult. But I think Buddha’s great power to teach came from his long period of agonizing. The fact that he didn’t renounce immediately but hesitated for ten years must have been a great help later when teaching people after attaining enlightenment. Because he experienced it himself, he could deeply understand what problems people were struggling with. So Buddha showed a firm attitude towards those who hesitated to renounce because of their parents. Buddha himself hesitated for ten years, but if a disciple seemed to have lingering attachments, he immediately sent them back home. Once during a famine, Buddha sent a bhikkhu back home during the rainy season retreat. The bhikkhu’s mother clung to her son who came home. When words failed to make him stay, she pleaded, “Then just spend one night with your wife before you go.” The bhikkhu thought that didn’t seem too difficult, so he spent one night and came back, but when he tried to meditate after returning, he kept having defilements. When he told Buddha about this, Buddha said, “It would be better for you to return home.” He allowed people to renounce no matter what they had done before renunciation, but if they still had agonizing thoughts after renouncing, Buddha saw that it would be difficult to continue the life of practice.

What Kind of Life Did Buddha Actually Live?

Rather than viewing the Buddha abstractly, we need to study his life more concretely within the context of reality. This allows us to speculate, ‘What perspective would the Buddha have on today’s world problems?’ This is because life is historical, specific, and social. However, faith lacks these elements. Philosophical research also cannot reveal such aspects. That’s why I often recommend pilgrimages and encourage studying the life of the Buddha. I, too, once loved Buddhism so much, but at one point, I became so disillusioned with its reality that I considered giving it all up. Then, feeling that my ten years of study were too valuable to waste, I revisited the life of the Buddha. By focusing on questions like ‘Who was the real Buddha?’ and ‘Is what I know truly Buddhism?’, I was able to find new inspiration.

After the explanation of the sacred site, the pilgrimage group recited sutras and meditated briefly. Following the meditation, everyone sang the “Song of Buddha’s Renunciation” together.

After the song ended, Sunim provided some concluding remarks.

“I believe that becoming a monastic is the best path for all of you. It’s something I would recommend above all else. However, if you’re hesitating about whether to become a monastic or not, you’re not yet qualified. Becoming a monastic is something you do immediately upon realizing it’s your path. If you have a realization here today, you should follow me and become a monastic right away. If you say you need to go home first and prepare, you’re not yet at the level to become a monastic. However, more important than hesitating about becoming a monastic is to imagine that you’ve already become one. Let’s assume from this moment on that we’re begging for food, wearing simple robes, and sleeping under trees. If we imagine this scenario, isn’t what you’re eating now better than begging? Your clothes and sleeping arrangements are much better too. Even if your family doesn’t always listen to you, being with them is better than being alone under a tree or in the forest. If you set your mind on becoming a monastic like this, you’ll find that you have no complaints about your current life, even without actually doing it. This should come first.

People often decide to become monks or nuns because they can’t stand living with their spouse anymore, can’t bear living with their children, or can’t continue their business. That’s why their minds waver even after they’ve taken their vows. After becoming monastics, if they meet someone more attractive than their former spouse or if they find that running a temple brings in more money than their previous business, their minds start to waver again.

True Renunciation Is Freedom from One’s Karma

Don’t think of renunciation as something difficult. If you use the Buddha as your standard, you’ll find no dissatisfaction in life. Why not try that first? If you can achieve that, there’s no need to become a monastic. However, many of you become monastics because of your dissatisfaction, which leads to more problems after taking your vows. Becoming a monastic due to dissatisfaction means you’re still stuck in the mindset of “Isn’t there a better path than this?” This attitude will continue to cause problems. You need to be able to renounce even a royal palace to be free from worldly attachments. Only then can you let go of complaints and fully focus on monastic life. Even monks and nuns who seem to have made a great resolution often complain about the food in meditation halls or Buddhist academies. The first sources of discontent for monastics are food, clothing, and lodging. I’ve heard that even in famous meditation centers in Korea, complaints about accommodations are the most common. These days, no one will go to a meditation hall unless they’re given a private room. They call ahead to check if single rooms are available before deciding to enter. And when the retreat ends, they ask, “How much is the closing ceremony allowance?” I’m not saying this to criticize monastics, but to show how things are in the world. So, shaving your head and wearing robes doesn’t automatically make you noble. Becoming a monastic doesn’t immediately erase your karma. Your temperament and desires don’t just disappear. If becoming a monastic were as simple as getting a haircut, everyone who visits a barbershop would become one. Then why would we need the Buddha? We’d only need barbers. Therefore, you must first become free from complaints about food, clothing, and lodging. Isn’t it good to lose weight when you don’t eat? It’s good to feel full when you do eat. If the food is delicious, it’s good because you gain weight; if it’s not tasty, it’s good because you don’t. It’s good if you’re late, and it’s good if you arrive early. You need to practice not being troubled in any situation. Only then can you find joy in whatever you do. Complaints arise because of your karma. They come from clinging to your preferences, tastes, and temperament. When complaints arise, you should quickly recognize, “Ah, I’m attached again.” It’s okay if your lips pout for a moment and then return to normal. But they shouldn’t remain pouted. You shouldn’t be greedy, even for good things. If you feel the desire to become a monastic, before taking vows, you should first free yourself from complaints about food, clothing, and lodging. Once you’re free from these, working together becomes much easier. When we work, we always prepare for eating, dressing, and sleeping. Of course, those responsible for the community’s livelihood should always take good care of these things. It’s wrong to say, “You’re a monastic practitioner, so eat and sleep anywhere.” However, we ourselves should maintain an attitude free from complaints about food, clothing, and lodging. In monastic communities, people don’t fight over discussions about the Way or because of sectarian differences. Most conflicts and departures are due to lifestyle issues and personal incompatibilities. These problems aren’t solved by shaving your head or wearing robes. They all stem from failing to overcome your own karma. True renunciation is becoming free from your own karma.

After Sunim finished speaking, he went out through the east gate. Outside, village children were lined up in a long queue. Sunim distributed snacks to the children.

After passing through the east gate, Sunim headed towards the parking lot along a path between the fields. The route had changed from last year, and he almost got lost, but thanks to a young girl who had just received snacks and led the way, he safely arrived at the parking lot.

At 4 PM, after a 10-minute bus ride, Sunim arrived at Kudan. The pilgrimage group lined up at the entrance of Kudan, entered in an orderly manner, circumambulated the stupa, and then sat down.

Sunim began his explanation.

“We have arrived at ‘Kudan’. The Buddha visited Kapilavastu here in the 12th year after his renunciation and the 6th year after his enlightenment, upon the invitation of his father, King Suddhodana.”

Sunim then provided a detailed explanation of the Buddha’s life and the historical background of Kudan.

“After his renunciation, the Buddha attained enlightenment in Bodhgaya, Magadha. He then gave his first sermon in Varanasi, and returned to Rajgir in Magadha to convert King Bimbisara and establish the Bamboo Grove Monastery. There, he received the conversion of his main disciples such as Sariputra, Maudgalyayana, and Mahakasyapa. Then, upon the invitation of the wealthy merchant Sudatta, he moved to Sravasti, the capital of Kosala. After King Prasenajit’s conversion, he gave many sermons in Sravasti. Sravasti is close to Kapilavastu. At that time, while the Buddha’s fame was high in Rajgir, Magadha, it had not reached Kapilavastu. However, when his name became known in Sravasti, the news finally reached his hometown.

King Suddhodana sent messengers requesting the Buddha to visit his hometown, as Sravasti was nearby. However, the messengers, upon delivering the king’s letter, listened to the Buddha’s teachings, became enlightened, and renounced the world. This happened repeatedly, causing the king great distress. At that time, a minister named Udayin volunteered. He was known for his good looks and his love for entertainment in Kapilavastu. ‘I will go. I won’t convert to the Buddha’s teachings.’ King Suddhodana felt reassured sending him, thinking that someone who enjoyed entertainment wouldn’t become a practitioner. However, upon arriving at Jetavana Monastery, Udayin was overwhelmed by the quiet atmosphere. 1,250 people were listening to the Buddha’s sermon without even a cough. He quietly listened to the sermon from the back and eventually gained enlightenment and renounced the world. However, he did deliver King Suddhodana’s letter.

“Buddha, the King is deeply worried. He wishes for your return to your homeland.” The Buddha replied: “Tell him I will return to my homeland in seven days.” Eventually, the Buddha returned to Kapilavastu after 12 years since his renunciation. It is said that King Suddhodana, unable to wait, came out to this place, set up a tent, and welcomed the Buddha. The stupa site commemorating this event is called Kudan. Setting up a tent to welcome an honored guest is an Indian custom. I experienced such hospitality when I visited Bhutan. Bhutanese people don’t wait for guests at home; they welcome them on the road first. They come out tens of miles, set up tents, prepare seats with grass, and serve tea and snacks. Only then do they escort the guests to their homes. When they heard the Buddha was coming, they must have prepared a similar welcome here.”

After Sunim’s explanation, the pilgrimage group recited sutras and performed a Buddhist ceremony.

After finishing the homage, children had gathered outside. Sunim distributed snacks to the children and then boarded the bus to go to Daeseong-Seokgasa Monastery.

Upon arriving at the lodging, it was already 6 PM. After having dinner and performing evening prayers in the Dharma hall, the day’s schedule came to an end.

This concludes the pilgrimage schedule in Nepal. Tomorrow, the group will cross the border back into India and continue the pilgrimage by moving to Shravasti.